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Alt 02.11.09, 20:49   #1 (permalink)
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Ruh Hali:

Standart Clown Jokes




TWO CANNIBALS WERE EATING A CLOWN, WHEN ONE TURNS TO THE
OTHER AND SAYS: "DOES THIS TASTE FUNNY TO YOU?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A professional clown, while traveling in the wilds of an uncharted jungle, was taken captive by cannibals,
along with the rest of his party. Although the other members of his party were taken away to be boiled in
the cannibals’ stew, the clown was taken to the outskirts of the village by the chief of the cannibals and
released. “I’m grateful, but I don’t understand why you’re releasing me?” The Chief looked at the clown and said
, “Clowns taste funny.”

--------------------------

Clown 1: Wow, what a nice silver medal! How did you win it?

Clown 2: By singing!

Clown 1: And how did you win the gold medal?

Clown 2: By stopping!
---------------------------

Clown 1: Did your mother lift weights, by any chance?
Clown 2: No, why do you ask?
Clown 1: Well, it seems that she’s raised one dumb bell
--------------------------

Clown 1: I’m so depressed; I had to shoot my dog.
Clown 2: Was he mad?
Clown 1: Well, he wasn’t exactly pleased.
--------------------------

Clown 1: Do you have holes in your underwear?
Clown 2: What an insult! Of course I don’t have holes in my underwear.
Clown 1: then how do you get your feet through?
---------------------------

Boy Clown: Yes, I really love you.
Girl Clown: But, do you really, truly love me?
Boy Clown: Yes! Yes, I really, truly love you! I would die for you!
Girl Clown: You’re always saying that, but you never do it
------------------------
!!! boy and girl clowns !!!
Boy Clown : Since we met, I can't eat or drink...
Girl Clown : Why not ??
Boy Clown : I'm broke.

Boy Clown : May I hold your hand??
Girl Clown : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

Girl Clown : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??
Boy Clown : What time was it??

Girl Clown : Say you love me! Say you love me!
Boy Clown : Okay, "You love me"

Girl Clown : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
Boy Clown : Sure, what's your phone number??

Girl Clown : I think the poorest people are the happiest..
Boy Clown : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple..

Girl Clown : Do you remember when you proposed to me? I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't speak for an hour..
Boy Clown : Yes Darling, that was the happiest hour of my life...

Girl Clown : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
Boy Clown : Don't you ever want to improve??

Boy Clown : I love you! I love you so much, I could die for you!
Girl Clown : How soon??

Boy Clown : I would go to the end of the world for you!
Girl Clown : Yes, but would you stay there??

Boy Clown : You remind me of the sea.
Girl Clown : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Boy Clown : NO, because you make me sick.

Girl Clown : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think,?
Boy Clown : I agree with both. You're pretty ugly.

Boy Clown : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I am comfortably seated.
Girl Clown : So what do you do?
Boy Clown : I close my eyes
----------------------------

Two hobo clowns were waiting at the bus stop along with a nun with her leg in a cast. The first hobo asked,
“Sister, how did you break you leg?”
The nun replied, “I slipped in the bathtub.”
The second hobo asked the first, “What’s a bathtub?”
The first hobo replied, “How should I know, I’m not Catholic!
----------------------------

Question:Why can’t clown noses be 12 inches long?

Answer: Because then they would be a foot.
-----------------------------

Funny Jokes - Three clowns at the gates of heaven
Three clowns died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates
if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first clown, “WHAT IS EASTER?”
The clown replies, “Oh, that’s easy, it’s the holiday in November when everybody gets together, eats turkey,
and is thankful...”
“WRONG,” replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second clown the same question, “WHAT IS EASTER?”
The second clown replies, “No, Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange
presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.”
St. Peter looks at the second clown, shakes his head in disgust, looks at the third clown and asks,
“WHAT IS EASTER?”
The third clown smiles and looks St. Pete in the eye.

“I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover.
Jesus and his disciples were eating at
the last supper and He was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took
Him to be crucified and was stabbed in the side, made Him wear a crown of thorns, and He was hung on a cross. He
was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder. Every year the boulder is moved aside so that
Jesus can come out, and if He sees his shadow there will be six more weeks of winter.”
----------------------------

Whiteface clown: Why is your nose swollen?
Auguste clown: I bent down to smeall a brose in my garden.
Whiteface clown: You mean rose, not brose. There’s no “B” in rose.
Auguste clown: There was in this one
-----------------------------

Clown 1: I’m hungry, but I don’t have enough money to buy anything decent to eat.
Clown 2: I have the solution! I know a restaurant where we can eat dirt cheap!
Clown 1: Yes, but … who wants to eat dirt?
-------------------------------

Clown 1: I just had my appendix removed.
Clown 2: Have a scar?
Clown 1: No, thanks, I don’t smoke.
— or —
Clown 1: No, thanks, I just had one.
-------------------------------

Clown 1: How can one person make so many mistakes in a single day?
Clown 2: I get up early
-------------------------------

Question: Why did Rainbow the clown eat a dollar bill?

Answer: It was his lunch money.
----------------------------

clown:Why was Sparkle the clown holding a mirror in front of her face with her eyes closed?
She wanted to see what she looked like when she was sleeping.
---------------------------

Hobo clown 1: Where do all of the bugs go during the winter?
Hobo clown 2: Search me.
Hobo clown 1: No, thanks. I just wanted to know.
----------------------------

Two hobo clowns were sitting on a park bench one moonlight evening. One hobo looks at the moon,
and then turns to the other, “Which is closer, the moon or California?”
The other hobo looks at him with a derisive look and replies, “Don’t be stupid! The moon is closer!
You can’t see California from here!”
---------------------------
SIGNS YOU'VE HIRED THE WRONG CLOWN

* By the end of the party, he's got every damn kid doing the "pull my finger" trick.
* Clown car must be started with breathalyzer device.
* Keeps screaming, "My name's not BO-zo, it's bo-ZO!"
* References to Kierkegaard and Nietzsche are lost on most 5-year olds.
* Props for his "disappearing" trick: a moving van and your wide-screen TV.
* Scares the holy hell outta the kids during the "Severed Limb" trick.
* Tells the kids he killed Barney in a blood match in Newark.
* Didn't bring any balloons, but manages to twist your dachshund into other animal shapes.
* Prefaces each trick with, "here's a little number I learned in the joint."
* Not exactly the Peewee Herman impression you were expecting.
* Wears a T-Shirt that says, "Drug-free since March!"
* More interested in squirting seltzer into his Scotch than into his pants.
* Those huge ears look too darn life-like, and the entire act consists of showing charts and complaining about the deficit.
* A sad clown is one thing -- a clown who spends the entire party with a gun to his temple is another thing entirely.
* Only balloon animals he can make are a snake and a "snake on acid."
* Business cards include the phrase "From the Mind of Stephen King..."
* Price list includes "lap dance" and "around the world.
* All the balloon animals are ribbed and lubricated.


!!! ALERT ALERT !!! DONT DRINK OR EAT WHILE READING QUESTIONS BELOW !!! ALERT !!!

Clown Jokes
because what's pain if you can't laugh at it?


What's the differance between a dead cat in the road and a dead clown in the road?
There's skid marks in front of the cat.


Why arn't you allowed to incinnerate clowns?
They burn funny.


How do you kill a clown who has big floppy shoes?
With a big floppy sack of door knobs.


What's better than a clown falling out of a window?
Another one below him.


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